Why Me?

December 19, 2017

Today I spent a lot of time asking that question over and over again.  


Why me?  What more do I have to prove?  Why can't I get a break for once?


You might be asking what tragedy has befallen me now?  


Well, a year ago today I went in and had my second back surgery.  This one was a fusion.  I now of metal plates and screws keeping part of my spine in tack.  


Today as I was walking to my car to head to work, I slipped and fell.  For most this isn't that big of a deal.  But, for someone whose entire back issue started because I fell on ice, it's pretty tramatic.  Let's just say as I write this I'm far too exhausted to cry any more today.  I worked myself into a panic attack while at work too.  All of this because I fear I did something to my back again and that's going to lead to even more issues, including another surgery, more time off, you get the idea


Remember, I'm not even 30 years old yet.  I should not have to be this scared of ice and falling and not being able to live a normal life.  It's a lot to deal with.


I'm home now.  Curling up in bed with my munchkin and just letting my body fix itself as it needs to.


But, to bring me back to my original why me question.  All day it was a negative question.  It was why are all these bad things happening to me, but that's not what it is.


This may be part the muscle relaxers I took, but going through my cards and letters I got in the mail I had the same thought.  Why me?  But, this time it was why was I gifted with amazing friends and family?  Why am I able to work for places that are pretty amazing, each in their own way?  Why did I get this lucky to be given such amazing gifts from people who I just met?  Why was I blessed to find a man who takes care of me and encourages me and who will get up early just to make sure I get to my car a second time safely?


It took coming home and just taking a moment to breathe to remember each trial builds me stronger.  This was just a test today to show me a normal life is coming.  I just need patience and strength.


So, next time you ask yourself " why me", look at it from both sides and see which one shines brighter.  The amazing people in my life definitely make mine better.



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